The Adventures of The Doctor And His Companions
by potatoes-are-not-for-sex
Summary: Collab written by Malteser24 and potatoes-are-not-for-sex. Dan and Phil lead normal lives. But on one special day, everything changes. Doctor Who. Phan. AU. We do not own the show, the characters, Dan or Phil. Only the plot.
1. Chapter 1

**COLLAB ALERT!**

**This Doctor Who/Phan crossover is written by…Potatoes-are-not-for-sex and Malteser24! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1 (by Malteser24)**

**Dan's P.O.V**

"Hey Phil, when is your break?"

"Uh, in about, 20 minutes…Why?"

"Can't I want to spend some time with my fantastic boyfriend?"

"Yes. As long as I get to spend time with _my _cute as a button boyfriend."

"Done. I'll be back, try not to miss me too much."

"I'll try." Phil sniffled, and then we both started giggling. I left the kitchen, and looked over at my table.

"Dammit, Anderson led that customer to my table, and here I was, hoping to get a break. He is such an arse."

"Phiiiil, I might be a bit late, Anderson just gave me a new table, I'm sure he won't take too long though." I yelled at him through the window.

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you more." I smiled to myself as I walked over to my table.

"Hello, sir, my name is Daniel and I will be your waiter today. Would you like a drink to start?"

"Hello, Daniel. My name is The Doctor. It's very nice to meet, you. Unfortunately, I will have to decline the drink offer."

_That is a strange name…The Doctor….oh well, he seems nice, and maybe it is just a nickname he goes by._

"Oh, right. Well, are you ready to order?"

"Not yet, thank you."

"Oh, okay." I felt my face drop. I looked over at Phil; he was running around the kitchen, his fringe was all over the place. He was sweating profusely, and yet, he still managed to look as gorgeous as ever…

"Look. How about you ask that Anderson fellow to serve me, and take your break. You and that black haired boy can take your breaks."

"Sir, I couldn't possibly…"

"Nonsense. I insist. If he questions you, tell him I requested him."

"But it's my job."

"Is he your supervisor?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"So, hypothetically, if a health inspector comes, it is his responsibility?"

"Yes…"

"Wonderful, send him my request please, Daniel. "

"Of course, but I must ask for proof first."

"Certainly."

He pulled out a small black book thing, and flipped it open.

"Mr Smith, Health Inspector."

_The Doctor is definitely a nickname; I wonder how he got it though…_

"Okay, I will send Anderson to you right away sir."

"Mr Smith wants you to see him."

"I'm sorry?"

"The man at my table. His name is Mr Smith and he is a Health Inspector. You are the supervisor, so it is your job to see him. Now, if you don't mind, Phil and I will be taking our break now."

"Okay. Off you go then, both of you. Half an hour, that's all. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

I walked into the kitchen, and plopped myself onto the spare bench.

"Guess what Phil?"

"You got fired?"

"NO! Wow, it's nice to know you have so much faith in me." I pretended to cry.

"Aw, I'm sorry, love. Don't cry." He walked over to me and wrapped his hands around my waist. I put my arms around his waist.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asked.

I leant forward and pecked him on the lips.

"We get a whole half hour to ourselves." His eyes widened with surprise."

"Really?"

"Yep. Just you and me." He leant over to kiss me…

CRASH!

**And that is the first chapter! What do you guys think? New chapter next week.**

**Allonsy!**


	2. Chapter 2

_"Yep. Just you and me." He leant over to kiss me…_

_CRASH!_

**Chapter 2**

We jolted apart at the sudden noise, which was almost immediately followed by distressed screams, pouring through the open kitchen door. Dashing to the door, Phil stopped only for a moment to pull an enormous chef's knife from the chopping board and wielding it nervously in his hand, before following Dan and the rest of the remaining kitchen staff into the dining area.

Whatever they had expected to see, neither boy was prepared for the sight before their eyes.

Dan recognized the man he'd been serving, Mr Smith, crouching behind a small shield he'd created by tipping over his desk. Alternating between ducking and then peering over the edge of the wooden surface, he had some strange kind of laser pointed directed at a crumpled figure, curled up on the floor, emitting a strange, blue glow. The person was surrounded by a circle of wreckage, as if each chair or table had been flung directly from their form, as various waiting staff and customers pulled away from the rubble, several nursing superficial injuries.

"It's okay, it's alright, I promise I'm not going to hurt you!" The spiked hair popped up over the overturned table, followed by the laser pointer, which made a strange, electronic sound as it flashed green. "I know you're confused and you're afraid and that's okay! I can help you, please just calm down and I'll take you somewhere safe!"

"What's he doing?" Phil whispered, shifting his grip on the knife. His palms were sweating profusely and he didn't want it to slip from his grasp- not that he'd actually use it to attack someone. He couldn't explain why, but the threat of danger being in the same room as Dan had made him want to be armed- or at least look slightly threatening.

Mr Smith suddenly widened his eyes and bobbed down again. There was another wave of blue light, pulsing from the curled form, dissipating out around the circle of rubble. There was a sudden wail and the form- evidently a young woman, arched back, her hair falling back as she curved backwards over her calves, face glowing with strange insignia, like neon tattoos, carved across her brow, her cheekbones and down her neck.

Dan silently reached down and grabbed Phil's free hand, squeezing it hard. His heart was pounding behind his ribs, so loud he was sure that Phil must have heard it, but he has to stay strong for Phil. Whatever madness is going on, there had to be a way to get out of the restaurant- besides the front door which was blocked off by a stray table.

"Phil. Move backwards slowly into the kitchen- we can use the managers phone to call the police quietly so we don't disturb- it." Dan's voice was barely a whisper but to his surprise, Phil shook his head.

"We can't just leave everyone else here!" His murmur was barely audible over the various panicked voices already filling the room as well as the continual stream of apparent consoling that Mr Smith was calling out to the girl in the middle of the room.

"We would be more help if we went and got actual help, like the police?" Dan places himself more firmly in front of Phil. "No one even knows what the hell that is-"

"Oi! Don't call her an _it, _do you have any idea how rude that is?" The carrying voice of Mr Smith cuts across Dan's argument and they spin to face the stranger, who has edged slightly out from behind the table.

"I'm sorry but do you understand what's going on Mr Smith? Because if you do-"

"Mr Smith?" He interrupts Dan again, a bewildered expression creasing his eyebrows, "My name's the Doctor and of course I understand what's going on! Or, well, I hope I do! Now if everyone just calms down a little and listens to me, we can sort this out without too much disruption to your comfort." He turns around, now apparently addressing the whole room.

"My name is the Doctor and I'm a- er... government specialist! You have those on Earth, don't you? Good. Well everyone can calm down now, while I try and talk to this young lady and get her back home. If you could just move back a little and-"

Phil noticed the arm moving first, convulsing and reaching out, stretching beyond the natural arm length; aimed directly at the back of the Doctor's neck.

"Doctor! Behind you!"

_Oooooh gosh the Doctor is tricky to write. I hope you liked it though! I really enjoyed Malteser24's first chapter, such a fantastic set up! We have no idea where this story is going to go really so hope that you enjoy finding out with us! Thank you to EnderBlaze23 for reviewing the first chapter :3  
_

_Until next time-  
_

_xxx panfs _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Malteser 24**

**I hope this lived up to expectations.**

**Third person P.O.V**

The man they call The Doctor whirled and ducked, just missing the arm reaching out to him by an inch. He pointed his laser thing at the creature behind him. The arm recoiled, knocking the table next to the front door, and a shrieking sound was heard. The Doctor turned back to the woman, who had stopped moving, the insignias on her face not glowing anymore, but still there, as if they were ingrained onto her skin. All the other civilians had left the restaurant, some screaming, and some crying, proclaiming of aliens. The only _people, _left there were The Doctor, and two scared men, Dan and Phil. They walked out of the kitchen, Phil putting the knife back, before holding Dan's hand as they confronted the stranger.

"Uh, Mr Smith…"

"My god! How many times must I tell you? It's _The Doctor_! Or just _Doctor _if you prefer. Now, before you ask, which you will, because you're humans and your curiosity can take over, this is an alien, I am an alien, and no, im not too sure what this is. But, please take note, that no matter how human it does look, it is not human."

The Doctor turned back to the woman-form.

"What is your name?" There was no answer. The Doctor walked over to…_her… _and sighed, before walking back and turning to Dan and Phil.

"She is dead."

"It's a she?" Phil proceeded to ask.

"Yes. Took human form. A shape shifter that can only decide on one form. Someone will come and take her away, though I do suggest quarantining this place until then."

"Who will?"

"The Judoon, I assume. This is more there area. Or some other Galactic Police area will come. But you two, the others will forget, deliberately push it back into their minds, never to be thought of. You humans think in mysterious ways like that. But you two, you have both seen too much to ever be forgotten. Unless of course your memory is wiped, but that isn't really fun."

"What are you trying to say?" Phil asked, his voice wavering as Dan squeezed his hand in support.

"Well, it's all up to you of course. It's just, I travel through space and time, and it can get quite lonely sometimes. I was wondering if you would like to join me."

"How? Do you have a space ship or something?" Dan asked his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"Or something. Follow me."

Regardless of everything that had happened and everything they had seen, both Phil and Dan decided to follow him, even if, as the Doctor said, it was because of their curious manner. They followed him into an alley, where a wooden blue police box was sitting, and the light on its roof flashing.

"This is it? It's a wooden box."

"TARDIS, actually. It's called the TARDIS. Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. And this baby is no ordinary wooden box. Follow me."

"Um, excuse me, Doctor." Phil said politely.

"But how are we all going to fit? It does not look very big."

"Just, follow me, alright? It will all make sense if you follow me."

And so, with a feeling they could trust this man they did not know, they followed him inside.

"It's, it's. It's bigger on the inside!"

_[panfs: it definitely did! :D]_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: by panfs (sorry that too so long!)**

Phil looked back at Dan, with eyes wide with wonder and a bright grin. Dan's mouth was still open, his face pricelessly stunned at the sight in front of them. His gaze darted around the room, as if he was trying to locate a point of logic or recognition, but unable to find one, he turned to face Phil.

"Am I officially mental now?" He sounded so concerned that Phil couldn't suppress a small giggle, but he walked over and grabbed Dan's hand, squeezing it tight.

"I don't think so. Well, if you are, then I am too, and it can't be too bad if we're mental together, right?" They both fell silent again; left wordless at the wonder they'd just entered.

"It's so impossible, I feel like I'm Harry-freaking-Potter or something, this is just insane!"

"Not impossible! Just improbable." The Doctor strolled out from behind the tall column in the center of the room, shoving his hands into his pockets. He leant back against the bench that encircled the column, covered in a multitude of knobs, levers and switches, and looked down at the two boys, standing cowed before the police box doors.

"Welcome to the TARDIS! Yes, it's a bit overwhelming at first but once you get to know her, she's really not that scary at all!" He patted a long green lever with an affectionate smile.

"She?" Phil wrinkled his nose up in confusion, "What do you mean she, it's not a person- is it?"

"No, it's like a ship, yeah? A spaceship? You always call ships 'she'!" Dan looked at the Doctor for confirmation but there was no response. Captivated by a small flashing light on a blue panel, the Doctor was leant over, tapping the button beside it, frowning.

"Well that isn't meant to happen- what's going on, ey?" His murmurs were so quiet that he appeared to be talking to himself. But, as his cooing continued, it became apparent that he was actually talking to the ship, questioning it and prodding at several aspects of the counter.

Edging forwards, Dan following soon after, Phil stepped up to stand beside the Doctor and hesitantly tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to spin sharply on the spot.

"What, yes? Hello!" His smile was back, but it seemed a little more panicked than a moment earlier. "Anywhere in time and space she can take us! How brilliant is that?"

The boys exchanged an excited glance.

"Anywhere?" Dan was getting over his shock, the thrill of such possibilities taking hold. "Like, we could go back to the days of pirates?"

"Or we could go visit Queen Elisabeth!"

"Or the Beatles?"

Phil grabbed Dan's arm. "We can go to the future Dan. Like, spaceships and warp speed and-"

The Doctor coughed, pointedly.

"You do realise this is a space ship? Which means we travel in time, but also in space. Any planet, any when, we can visit!"

They stopped their stream of enthusiasm, turning to him with naïve grins spread across their faces. So much potential and joy, so much zeal and so little an understanding of what it meant to be afraid. This was always his favourite part- when it's all so new and the scope of their imagination was their only limit. He remembered all too well what it feels like, the wonder of the universe suddenly within your grasp.

Dan's voice cut across his musings, catching him by surprise-

"Can we go visit your planet then?" Phil nodded in agreement, as Dan continued. "Is your planet the only one where humans can time travel or is it just- wait, are you from the future? Oh my god I can't even get my head around any of this!"

"But Dan, he said he wasn't a human remember? So maybe he's not from the future, just from a planet that has space travel, right Doctor?"

They both turned to the Doctor again, waiting as he stumbled over his words to configure the best way of explaining his past, Gallifrey, the fall of the Time Lords. A sudden buzzing noise from the console served as a suitable distraction from the subject, and he whirled around, turning his attention back to the small light that was bothering him earlier.

"Doctor?" Phil sounded a little less certain this time. "Is everything okay with the- with the TARDIS?"

"It's all fine, nothing to worry about! She's all over it, literally- she has a self-repair mechanism that should be kicking in any second now so don't you worry, it's probably nothing." The Doctor continued to fiddle with the knobs, looking more and more concerned with every passing second.

Dan stepped forward, attempting to put himself into the Doctor's line of vision. "Any second now? If there's nothing wrong, why does it- _she_ need to use a self-repair mechanism?" The Doctor continued to avert his gaze, answering into the mechanisms.

"Well, when I say probably nothing wrong, you could say that there might be something wrong but nothing worth worrying about. Well, not worth worrying about yet. Unless something sets off the extrapolator which would-"

With a giant lurch, the Doctor and Dan were suddenly knocked to the ground, Phil falling back onto the padded bench beside the console. Looking up, he saw the central column suddenly begin to move vertically, like a giant valve, up and down- and a loud wheezing sound filled the room, as every surface vibrated and they were tipped again, Phil slipping off the bench to join Dan on the floor.

The Doctor was struggling to regain his balance, grabbing at the switches, shouting out, 'No, no! Don't do that now, not on their first day! Come on; just try to-" and then he was thrown backwards onto the metal floor, falling silent as his head impacted with the surface.

They crawled over to the Doctor, the ship apparently still trying to throw them back and forth, the sounds and flashing lights only increasing, but were unable to rouse him; even Dan's steady slap across his face didn't bring him back. Clutching each other and huddled, terrified, Dan and Phil watched in silence as the entire ship came to life, indifferent to lack of a captain, carrying them away into the stars.

_Yay! I hope you liked it! What on earth could happen next? I don't know :D _

_Virtual bananas and lots of thanks for EnderBlaze23, animefangirl-isnotonfire, Moonfruit Infusion and jpuddleduck22 for their lovely reviews :D_

_Until next time! _

_xxx panfs_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: by Malteser24**

The TARDIS or whatever the Doctor called it landed with a crash. Lights were flashing, but it felt like we had finally stopped.

"Dan, I think he is waking up." Phil said to me. I walked the short distance between where I once stood and Phil and the Doctor.

"Argh. That hurt. A lot. Anyway, no use wasting time, huh?" The Doctor stood up, brushing off his clothes and straightening his jacket.

"Doctor, do you know where, or when, we are?" Phil asked, his face a mixture of excitement and worry.

"Not a clue. Isn't it exciting?" The Doctor smiled, before walking over and opening the doors of the TARDIS.

"Mmmm. Smell that historic air. Definitely the past." He stepped back inside, and turned to Phil and I.

"Quick question before we embark on a memorable adventure... Do any of you have money?"

"I have a few coins... will that do?" Phil replied.

"Perfect. Could I have it please? If I'm right, and not to sound too full of myself, but I usually am, the TARDIS should convert this into appropriate currency if we need it." The Doctor said, before bounding out the doors again.

"Should we follow him?" I asked Phil.

"I don't see why not. I'm curious as to see where we are."

"You believe him?"

"Somehow, yes. He doesn't seem too crazy. What do we have to lose?"

'_Our lives_' I thought, but I didn't say anything. I just followed Phil outside to where the Doctor was waiting.

"Took you long enough. Anyway, I confirmed with a local, and we are currently in France, 1792." He said, with a grin.

"1792, as in, past, past times?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. You are in 1792. Technically, before you were born."

"Doesn't us being here mess with the future or something?"

"Unless you kill your ancestor Dan, no. We are just mere observers of previous historic events... for now." He trailed off.

"What do you mean... for now?"

"Well, the TARDIS obviously landed here for a reason. What, or who that reason is, I don't know yet. I do, however, intend to find out."

Phil had been quiet for a while, but he spoke up now.

"Umm, excuse me Doctor. But isn't 1792 the middle of the French Revolution?"

"Aah, you're a smart boy. It is, which means, and I hope on my regenerations it's not there, around the corner will most likely be a guillotine."

As he spoke, we walked around the corner. And, sure enough, standing before us, was a guillotine. A substantially large crowd, considering the lack of people walking around the streets, were crowded around it. If the stage wasn't so tall, we wouldn't have been able to see. I would rather it was shorter.

"Small suggestion, I would look away if I was you." The Doctor said.

The crowd started cheering slightly, as someone was led up to the stage. It was a girl, a young girl, around 10 by the way she looked. It was a horrible sight. Her hair was messy, her dress mostly in rags, her feet were bare. She was as skinny as a stick, dirt and grime covering her. Tears were pouring down her cheeks, but no one seemed to notice or care. As she was led up the stairs, and put into place, I looked away. I couldn't stand it any more. Phil walked over to me, and I wrapped my arm around his waist. The Doctor stood there with a serious expression on his face, as if he was hiding his true emotions. There was a clean slicing sound, and the crowd erupted into loud cheers and happy cries. Phil started crying and buried his face in my shoulder. I rubbed his back as he wept.

"She was just a little girl, Dan. She could have led a long life, fallen in love, gotten married, had children. But she can't now. Because they murdered her."

The Doctor tapped me on the shoulder. I gently let go of Phil, slipping my hand into his, as he stifled his tears.

"Best for you to wear these. And, I know it's hard, but if you don't show emotion or tears, you will survive. This is a horrible time, but we need to find out why we are here. Someone, or possibly something, is here and I don't think it's for the greater good of humanity."

He handed us tri-colour ribbons. Red, white and blue. A sign of revolution.

_FRENCH REVOLUTION. Are you excited? I'm excited! I'm so sorry I took a ridiculously long time to upload her wonderful chapter, but I'm sure you enjoyed it as much as I did and I'll see you with the next part very soon! Thank you to Enderblaze23 and animefangirl-isnotonfire for their lovely reviews! :D_

_xxx panfs_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 - by potatoes-are-not-for-sex**

Dan and Phil fastened the pins to their shirts, silenced with shock, watching as the crowed dispersed into the cobbled streets and narrow alleyway, the gruesome spectacle apparently over for the time being. Several young men pushed past them, cheeks red with excitement, chattering proudly about the success of the past weeks executions.

"Boys? Over this way!" The Doctor herded them towards a small shop front, guiding them through a low doorway into what appeared to be a tavern. It was quickly filling with revolutionaries, and the proud colours were hanging from the rafters, the soft fabric vibrant amongst the grime of the rest of the room. They found two squat benches to sit on, squished in the back corner, and no sooner were they seated than a smiling young lady appeared before them.

"Gentlemen? How are we today." Her eyes scanned over the rosettes on their chests, and she smirked her approval. "Glad to see you're on the right side of the cause- wasn't it a wonderful day! The entire family of Pierre Jean Gauthier, and that old hag Marguerite Duport du Tertre ! Bet they never thought we'd be the ones pushing them around, ha!" At a nudge from Dan, Phil did his very best to nod and smile, but he couldn't fathom her content description of what he'd seen to be murder.

A little disheartened by the lack of rousing response, she took a different pitch. "Have you heard about this Scarlet Pimpernel though? Some British chap, thinks he can come swanning in here, like he makes the law or something?" She gave the Doctor a resounding clap on the back, and he joined in her hearty laughter only a moment later, though his eyes remained nervous. "I'll bring you all a mug of the best coffee in Paris, how does that sound?"

"Ce serait magnifique, merci!" Dan couldn't be sure if he's remembered the French accurately, and she stared at him in confusion for a moment, before returning to raucous laughter.

"Just like that Pimpernel fellow! I think your accent is a little off, love, but just some advice? You'd best stick to French around here." With a hearty wink, she was of with a swish of skirts, leaving Dan and Phil slightly confused and the Doctor entirely bemused.

"What does she mean?" Dan screwed up his nose in confusion. "We _are_ in France, aren't we? Why did that lady speak English?" He'd been dubious about this from the start, despite Phil's unwavering confidence. "Is this all some kind of trick?"

The Doctor grinned widely, like a small child who'd just been given several shiny, new presents. "It's not a trick- it's the TARDIS! Isn't she marvelous? She – er – translates it for you, in your mind? I'm not sure how to explain it to you in English, but think of it as an app that she puts into your mind- as long as you're with us, anything that is said within a translatable language is English to your ears, and anything you say will be translated into the local dialect by the time it's left your mouth." He leaned back, tucking his hands behind his head, looking highly satisfied.

"Translatable language? Are there any languages which aren't translatable?" Phil was keenly interested in this mechanism, something so unlike anything from earth. "Do you mean like hieroglyphics?"

"Goodness no!" The Doctor chuckled, "I'm not talking anything from this solar system, it's all pretty basic, even traditional Martian can be made into a rough translation with a little modification."

Dan's mouth fell open. "Martians are real?"

"Oh yes. But trust me, the Ice Warriors are a nasty bunch if you're not on their side, and somehow I rarely seem to be! But actually non-translatable languages? We're talking more about languages that don't translate because they are not aurally based. Gallifreyan, maybe Desmos although they were long gone before anyone had the chance to try out this technology on them!"

"So, it's inside our minds, switching up our hearing and speaking? That's insane, I almost don't believe it!" Phil leant onto Dan, a little overwhelmed by the day so far. "How did the TARDIS get into our minds? Don't we have to do some kind of mind control for this to work?"

"Not at all!" The Doctor looked a little sheepish as he continued, " I really should have warned you about this before we landed; only it's such a part of travel I really forget that it even happens! But maybe I can control it, to some extent- wait!" He screwed his eyes shut for a moment, and then opens them widely again, grinning once more.

The boys exchanged a glance, searching for some difference. Nothing appeared to have changed, and Phil was about to comment as such, but the lady from before had returned in a bustle of skirts and lay down three mugs of coffee onto the table.

"Voici vos boissons messieurs!" She beamed down at the startled humans and their beaming companion before sweeping away again, apparently ignorant to the shock her words had brought.

Dan turned to the Doctor. "But that was French?" But the Doctor had his eyes close again, and made a similar face of concentration before replying.

"And we're back again. I just switched it off for a moment, I wasn't sure that would work, but it certainly sounded like French to me!" He reached forward and cupped the mug in his hands, watching as his new companions watched him, torn between amazement and mild confusion.

"Drink up! It's still early, the people of Paris are rising up and reclaiming their land and rights, and we still have to find out what kind of mischief is going on that's brought us here. Allonz-y!"

* * *

_Chapter notes:_

_Pierre Jean Gauthier and Marguerite Duport du Tertre were two amongst more than 13,000 who were condemned to be executed by guillotine by the National Convention of France, who held executive power in France during the Reign of Terror, from 1792 to 1795._

_The Scarlet Pimpernel is a fictional character in the play and novel by Baroness Emmuska Orczy, the secret identity of Sir Percy Blakeney; an English baronet who rescues French nobles from the guillotine. There is an excellent BBC version of the story starring Anthony Andrews you should all go watch :D_

_Thank you to the lovely windmill-of-death and MisreadSoul for reviewing the last chapter! Be sure to go and check out Malteser24's other historical fic, We Shall Rule, Together! :D_

Translations (please pardon any errors):

_Ce serait magnifique, merci!_ – That would be lovely, thank you!

_Voici vosboissonsmessieurs_ – Here are your drinks gentlemen


End file.
